You know what? Screw you, Phil. You think you’re so goddamned special. You think because you have a job that means you deserve a movie and a holiday? Fuck that. You’re what’s wrong with America, Phil. You think that since you wake up once, something I begrudgingly do every “morning,” that you deserve special attention? What’s more is that you get the holiday regardless of whether you decide to stay up or not. I get up early, and most of the time I realize it’s not worth it, just like you; but what makes us different is that I don’t demand recognition for it.
Summer is all I have to look forward to every year, and you’re hellbent on destroying the last hope I have in my life. Not only that, but you do it with surprising consistency. Out of 112 predictions, you only predicted an early spring 14 times? Jesus Christ, Phil, it’s like you’re not even trying. Well I’ve got news for you, you’re only right 39% of the time, if the Stormfax Weather Almanac is to be believed. Screw that. 100% of French Creek Freddie sympathizers say French Creek Freddie is correct 100% of the time. And he predicted an early spring this year. So, piss off, Phil, I’m going with Freddie this time.
