Vince Shlomi, better known as “Vince Offer” was first rocketed to fame when he released Underground Comedy Movie. You you may remember it being shown during late-night infomercials in 1999. It featured such comedic gems as strippers pooping and a superhero whose power was his unrivaled ability to masturbate. It seems, though, that this high-brow humor went over the heads of critics and was universally panned. Nevertheless, Vince took the next obvious step and used his earnings to sue the Church of Scientology.
Vince "Offer" Shlomi with his fabulous ShamWow (you'll be saying "wow" every time).
Apparently overwhelmed by the Hollywood lifestyle, he retreated back to the profession that had always served him well before the star-studded hustle and bustle of fame: he started selling appliances at swap meets again. He bided his time for a number of years in this position until his next big break.
He must’ve asked himself, “Vince, you absurdly intelligent and trustworthy man, who makes good stuff? Why, the Germans, of course!” He took this revelation and his natural showmanship and began marketing the ShamWow. Seemingly overnight–and due entirely to his natural talent and nothing else–he was rocketed to national success yet again (although I’ve never heard of anyone actually buying a ShamWow). Even those who were put off by his googly grifter’s eyes were won over when Wikipedia discovered that he had had a stroke.
But many of Vince’s greatest fans noticed something missing from the ShamWow commercial. Sure he kept the shameless condescension and the third-rate production value, but what of the terrible sophomoric humor? Yes, Vince had sold out. But then, almost as if he had heard the subtle disappointment, he unflinchingly invited us all to “love his nuts” and began selling the Slap Chop. He had finally reached the perfect compromise between his awful sense of humor and his knack for selling useless shit nobody needs.
And, for awhile, times were good; but all good things must end. It seems no one can reach the top without also making enemies. Schadenfreude, the Germans call it. These people wait in the shadows, just hoping someone will slip up so they can make their move. They don’t care who they ruin or how. And then last Friday, it was Vince’s turn. After all the goodwill and trust he had worked years to build up, Vince Shlomi was arrested. And what did he do to receive the government’s misplaced ire? He beat the ever-loving shit out of a hooker.
(Img Obtained From: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html)
